On January 18th I lost one of my best friends. That hurt too.
The ice storm hit at the end of the month. Jocelyn was with me for 6 days and 7 nights. The ice storm's one of those things I think about now and I'll think about 10 years from now. It was a wake up call...and I experienced fear for my friends and fear for my community. I had to live my life trapped for a small amount of time, limiting everything I had. Yet somehow...I loved every second.
Gives You Hell-All American Rejects


February 2nd was the one year anniversary of a memory I'd love to forget. I was reminded of my epiphany; and how important it is to live. To be happy. To feel real. I went to a basketball game that month...Saw a movie with my friends...normal stuff. Caught the end of the ice storm, and saw the damage that was done. The outcome of destruction. On Friday the 13th I saw Friday the 13th in theatres. It was great. ^_^ The next morning I woke up and cried. It was Tyler..he seemed to be the source of my tears quite frequently those days.
On the 21st me and Maddi went to the mall. Tyler came. I was mad at him. And I wouldn't let him buy me anything at Hot Topic XP haha. Maddi got a free sample from the coffee place. The 23rd was my band concert. The 24th I didn't go to school. The 25th I woke up and Tyler was gone. Longest day I ever lived.
How To Save A Life-The Fray


March 3rd was my first jazz band rehearsal without Tyler. I'd already made the decision not to be miserable. So I wasn't. March 6th I got married. I still have the ring.
I met Carson on March 13th. I was sitting at the table, facing him, when he reached forward and grabbed my hand. Haha. The next day I dyed my hair pink. It had been blue.
March 30th Thomas and I quit hanging out. To a few people, that's actually significant.
That month is a blur. Lots of mixed emotions. I skipped a lotta class. Drank a lotta Monster.
Cried a lot. Yelled a lot. Laughed a lot. Smiled a lot.
Right Round-Marilyn Manson


April 4th I got a taste of food service. Scary stuff man. I'ma never be a waitress. Zach had just had surgery, and missed a lotta school. I remember staying home from school one day. He told me to watch Saw so I did. April 8th I went back to the doctor for the first time since January. My knee hurt. The morning of April 11th I dreamed about Tyler for the first time. I woke up crying so freaking hard, and it took me so long to stop. Too long in fact, way too long.
Forget To Remember-Mudvayne


May 5th I wanted to drop out of band. I didn't. I met Craig Morgan 2 days later. I got X-rayed on the 21st. No diagnosis. I got my first kiss on May 24th. From Kristen White. Thanks guys. And no, I don't wanna talk about it XD. By May all I felt towards Tyler was anger. Hatred. I don't know if I was still feeling guilty then...I probably was. By then I was unreachable. If you texted me, I didn't text back. If you sat by me, I walked away. If you yelled at me, I didn't care. It wasn't even about Tyler anymore. It was about me. It was about my inability to see the world the way I had before. I had to cope with the loss of a part of myself. I know, I'ma loser. But the light at the end of the tunnel was the end of my freshman year, and I couldn't wait.
Omnia Sol-Central Jr. High Chantez Choir


June 6th Mallorie and I got our picture taken in a photo booth. The same photo booth in which I sat tracing over Carson's scar for who knows how long. I don't think those two know how much those memories mean to me. Drinking monster, shopping with friends. 5 days previous I had walked out of Central with the intention of never looking back. I trashed the energy of loss, the ghosts of tears, and the environment of people I wanted nothing to do with. I was going to make a considerable effort to start over. June 5th Mallorie and I party party partied and I even got her a little Max Greene to toy around with ^_^ hehe. 2 days later Zoie and I went to the pool, and that was when I met Hunter. 6'3", ridiculously tan, totally ripped. 3 words. Out. Of. Reach. And that was the end of that, so I thought.
On June 10th the sky turned orange. I remember standing outside and praying. Just praying. Because it was so insanely beautiful. So powerful. So amazing. And so I prayed.
I was adjusting to the realization that if I didn't keep my spirituality in check, I'd regress. And I couldn't let that happen. So I willingly decided to keep a steady, strong relationship with Christ--instead of having a light switch for when I did or didn't need him. This had been building for a few months, but the Orange Sky is what makes me think of it.
That month I basically decided that Zach LaFrance was a centimeter short of intolerable. Hahaha, we argued a LOT in June. Over everything too. Geez...lol.
Michael Jackson died on the 25th, right after Farrah Fawcet. A lotta celebrities died in a row. It was weird. O_o
I got acupuncture in June. Yah. I don't like needles anymore. Thanks Doc :).
By the end of the month, I think I had seen every single Degrassi episode. Haha...Yah...
Pretty Rave Girl-I Am XRay

July 7th Mallorie and I had a pick-i-nic at the park. Carson and Jacob came...twas awesome. I remember Carson asking me if I liked Hunter...haha...I said no XP. Weird huh? Anyways. Me, Hunter, and Zoie spent a lotta time at the pool. It was kinda our thing for a while. Eventually it was just me and Hunter. Then it was just me and Hunter at the mall. Then it was just me and Hunter on the phone, at midnight, laughing and talking and being almost borderline normal. On July 24th a certain someone linked his hand through mine, and I pulled away--not knowing why. It kinda shocked us both. And for some reason I didn't want that guy because he wasn't Hunter. Uh oh.
On July 29th I sent a message to Ryan, because I missed him so freaking bad. I still do. And yah, it hurts. But when he messaged me back I just couldn't handle really thinking about him. So I didn't send a response. That same day my Ani-Rave band fell off, having survived 54 days total, 11 in the pool, and the majority of my summer fun. Yah, I'm proud of it ^_^.
July 30 we were "looking for Murphy the Duck". Man was it fun. Me, Hunter, and Bailey went to the library, youth center, McDonalds, park, here, there. Twas great. Really truly great.
You Found Me-The Fray

August 8th everything between me and Hunter changed. That day we went to the mall with Mallorie and Logan, and when Logan fell for me--it hit us all hard. Mallorie was mad mad mad, feeling slightly betrayed and disappointed. Hunter was mad mad mad, feeling jealous and played. And I was mad mad mad because everyone was in such a crabby mood! haha XP The next morning, Hunter told me he liked me. So Mallorie and I created the caterpillar in my stomach, since I was incapable of butterflies. His name was Mickey, and his goal was to become a butterfly. I dyed my hair blonde on August 12th O_O. A NORMAL color! Things went about as usual; pool, mall, movies, you know. On August 14th I started talking to Thomas again. Which was weird. He noticed I'd changed, and pointed out every thing about me that was different. Then I told him about Hunter. Oh wow, the look on his face. ^_^ Hunter came over on the 17th. He gave me our friendship bracelet, which has our favorite colors. Black, pink, blue, and green. And maybe that's when I decided. We were together. Maybe it was a week before, maybe it was later. We don't know, but that bracelet meant something to me. Something big. That day I ran up to Mallorie, "Mickey's in a cocoon." She squealed, of course. School started August 19th, and I went camping for the FIRST time that weekend. I watched the sun set on the lake and listened to Brandi talk into the dark hours of night. I even learned how to jet ski :D. August 28th was the all night skate, and the first time Hunter held my hand. That night was amazing. He dropped me off at 7 the next morning, and came over a few hours later. Twas weird...being without him. August 31st he put a sign out in his front yard. "Hi Jo". ... :)
You and Me-Lifehouse

September 9th I was starting to feel the pressure. 2 hour Tuesday, sectionals, early morning practice, football games, apush, biology, boyfriend, reading, writing, chores, friends, this, that, the other thing. It was only a few weeks into school! Ahhh! Hunter and I started walking at the park some nights. The 14th he told me he loved me. I laughed and said "No you don't!" haha...Wow... September 19th was Rosh Hashanah, a Jewish holiday. I celebrated with Ms Kathy, Stephanie, Ms Judy, and their families. I felt like I was part of a family. Which is weird...Everyone talked and ate and laughed and got ALONG O_O. Very unusual for me. At one point, we were observing a Jewish custom and we threw a bunch of rocks into the pool, symbolizing throwing away our sins. Kinda like saying "I'm sorry", in depth. And I liked it. A lot.
Call To Arms-Angels and Airwaves

October 10th I was with Hunter. That was becoming very normal. He spent many Saturdays at my house. And we'd hang out after school sometimes and on Sundays as well. The next day we went to the mall. Freaky. We saw a lot of memories from when we were just friends, and it was weird. Sears, Abercrombie, Joe Boxer. Haha. Very surreal. The 1st quarter ended somewhere around the 21st, and upon seeing my report card I realized that this wasn't freshman year anymore. Grace period was over, and I wasn't getting any pity grades this go around. I started making up my grades, trying harder, studying even. It was weird. I mean the last time I'd actually cared about school in the least bit was...well...February. I spent Halloween in Siloam Springs. We won the Northwest Arkansas Marching Invitational :). After so many hours invested in that show, it felt good. It was an amazing release to be named Champion out of the best high school bands in the region. We got our skittle <3>Hate Me-Blue October

November 11th was Veterans Day, and I didn't get to do anything patriotic-y. Maybe for a second there, I missed Central. They always had a really good Veterans Day program. Maybe I missed it. ...Ew. The next day I saw Mr. Watson, my history teacher from 8th grade; he needed my help and I provided. It was amazing, and maybe for just a moment there I missed Central. Again. That weekend I met Olivia when I went to Leta's house. She. Was. Cool. Man did we have fun. I learned how to toss a flag that day ^_^. On November 24th Hunter and I weren't at our best. The next day we hashed out some anger in his room and decided to go to the park to cool off. Within minutes of being there, I'd convinced him to show me his macho skiz-ills. By...jumping off a 12 foot pole. I thought he'd land it. He had to right? I was proved wrong when he fell head first into the ground. Stop moving. Completely non-responsive. Me, being an idiot, called to him. Told him to get up, quit being stupid. I told him how stupid he was, and I texted Carson. I jumped the fence and sat by Hunter. Pale, hardly moving. I saw him breathe, and 20 minutes later we were on his couch. He couldn't remember a thing, and we chalked it off to a mild concussion; leaving him headaches for the weeks following. Did you see the missing part? Yah. He never broke up with me ;].
Fireflies-Owl City

December 12th was Taylor's 19th birthday. Scary stuff. The Saturday previous Har-Ber had won State Championships in football and cheerleading. Yah, my school is COOL. December 11th I dressed like a gilttery pirate, and went to a party for the first time in a long time. Megan and I pretended we were in a "movie", and that everyone was going to get killed at the end. It was absolutely amazing. I went to Branson on the 18th, saw the lights, rode Wildfire for the FIRST time :). It was great. The first surreal feeling I'd had in a while. And not the rollercoaster, I mean being in SDC with my best friends. It felt really good. By this time I was peace with everything. I'd had to take a good look at who my friends are, what my priorities were, and how I needed to keep myself in check. I didn't hate Tyler, my grades were getting better, I got rid of the not so good friends in my life, I even grew enough balls to message Ryan back. Some people think 2009 is the worst thing that ever happened to me; not even close. It's one of the better things. Yah it was hard. But. So worth it :). Anyways. The last day of 2009 was Hunter's 18th birthday. So I went to dinner with him, and stayed all night at the rink.
January 1st, I won't wake up. Bring it on 2010.
Heart Attack-Low Vs Diamond