So. I have to write a research paper on a controversial subject to practice "argumentation" in my Advanced Lit class. Bleh. Pick a topic. Pick a side. Turn it in by spring break. Thanks, teacher. I always have this problem. So many people have already made decisions about what they think. Uh hello, it takes me half an hour to decide what I'm eating for breakfast--nonetheless what my opinions on politics are. On some level, that's an advantage. I'm not a daddy-quoting robot, or a rebellious walking label. Yay for breaking the cliché right? Sure. It still kinda sucks, 'cause I can justify two sides to many many things.

Kids my age are passionate about things. Andrew's writing his paper on political warfare, Justo's doing it on sexism in the school district. Some psycho in the back row thinks standardized tests are retarded--she's writing her paper on that! I can argue either side on pretty much every topic shouted out in class. And the worst part--if I did, I still wouldn't have an opinion on it.

My bio class held a debate on stem cell research. I argued against it, but every piece of information I used in that debate I could have rebutted and didn't fully agree with. Still won. I would've had the same problem had I argued for it. Either way, I didn't have an opinion--I just had information.

I took speech my freshman year, needed the credit. We had to choose a topic we were "passionate about" and persuade the class to think our way. Yay. I saw presentations on children in Africa, underage drinking, abortion. Ok. I can argue both sides of all of those. So I don't have an opinion. Is that bad? When my teacher told us we had to pick the first thing I said was "I call legalized pot!" Everyone laughed, yah, but I didn't actually do it. I don't care if pot's legal. It'd just be another way to tax you anyways. I ended up doing self-mutilation, and that it's wrong. Everyone really liked mine. I used my super pathos skills with my vivid imagery writing, threw in some statistics, and bam--A+. But come on...had I argued FOR self-mutilation they woulda shipped me off to the funny farm (not that I would).

So anyways. My point. I'm not ignorant. I'm indecisive. And I'm not gonna be the one to decide whether that's ok or not. ;)

Time to figure out a topic for my paper...

The thesis is due tomorrow.

*eye roll*

Quick vent I wrote a few weeks ago. Hunter doesn't like psychology. Boo. Some people just don't understand. Finally posting. Haha. Expect random updates in the near future. K? ^_^

Psychology. Noun. The science of the mind or of mental states and processes.

I believe in psychology. Bite me. A girl without a daddy is gonna give it away to the first guy who looks twice at her. Putting up the "wet paint" sign only makes people want to touch it more. Screw someone over, betray their trust; they'll think twice before confiding in someone like you again. People are predictable. People have patterns. And people let instinct dominate their thoughts.

But I believe in exceptions. I believe in choice, and I believe in the better side of people drawing a definitive line between right and wrong.

Do I see it? Not often. Do I hope for it? You bet.

I remember having a conversation with Hunter, back in the summer.

"It's psychology." I said, referring to who knows what.

"Psychology is bullcrap." He responded, obviously set in stone in his thoughts.

"No. The practice of psychology is bullcrap. The study of psychology is not."

In studying psychology, you are provided with answers to questions about other people. This is good, because not only can you identify what's good and bad in other people, but you can see it in yourself too. Learning how to treat people, or how people react to certain things--that's important. Understanding your own mind and how it processes and makes decisions--that's crucial. Without this ability, how can you improve who you are? Hm? Psychology, when well understood and put in the hands of someone who can properly use it, is a powerful tool; one of the greatest.

But how often is psychology used correctly? How often is it's practice designed for a legitimate purpose?

Last February I talked to a professional psychologist, two in fact. And you know what they said? Not joking here.

"How does that make you feel?"

I kid you not. Here's where government funded therapy services fall through the cracks. How are you feeling? What can I do to make you feel better? How can I give you the illusion that everything's going to be ok?

See where I'm going?

Ok. Now onto real therapy. Here's the problem.

You walk in with some mentally spawned problem like OCD or mild depression, and they blow it out of proportion.

What pills can I give you? How can I keep you between independent and out of control? What can I do to make you think you're getting better?

I'll explain the real problem here in a minute.

But wait, there are serious mental problems. Chemical imbalances, things you just can't help. But there's hope right? Guess what doc says.

"Now, how does that make you feel?"

I know that nothing can be done about this, and psychologists really aren't to blame. But my problem with the practice of psychology? It's people telling people to rely on something else. Pills, another person, a stress ball, their self. Who's going to heal the wounds of your mind? Think hard.

Hello! God! He does that. But a psychologist can't tell you that. Perfectly understandable. But the patient? The patient can't tell them self? Hm. I don't buy that. If that patient takes a good look at their self, and a really good look at their spirituality; they can find comfort. Yes, take pills! Talk to someone! Do what you can, but getting better is not the universes doing, it's not a therapists magic power. It's a divine power. And when people lose that focus, and replace God with the idol of anti-depressants or a faith in a human being (a doctor), that's when hope goes out the door. And curing the mind becomes too distant to touch. "No hope". Time to make another appointment.

First post of the new year. Well. Hello everybody :D

Leta insists I post more. Really. This is all her fault, if you're getting those annoying e-mail notifications just because I update my blog--don't blame me, find her. ^_^

So. I'll start posting real stuff pretty soon. But I'd like to just update you on what I'm doing RIGHT NOW. And basically what's going on in my life as of January 6th, 2010. (Woah...2010.)

-I'm not in school today. I was supposed to go back to school yesterday, but the roads are bad. And we have snow days here upon the sight of an inch of snow, hence laying in bed while the rest of America is in class.

-I'm still looking into attending Full Sail University in Florida, but recently I've found the Academy of Art Institutes. There's one in San Fransisco I looked at specifically; and I talked to an agent about getting some online credits within the next year or so.

-I still haven't finished that dang book I'm supposed to write. It's not really writers block, more like laziness. My book, "Using and Understanding Effective Study Habits", requires graphics and illustrations that I simply don't have the energy to produce. Oops. Oh well. I'll get around to it. My dad's business (the reason I'm writing a book in the first place) isn't even up yet. Bodligo should hit Beta within the next couple weeks, but who knows.

-Yes, I'm still with "that Hunter guy". Haha. Blane found out the other day, and my oh so distant big cousin that wants nothing to do with me all of a sudden took an interest in my life because I'm dating an 18 year old. I suppose he thinks that being involved with my life through the occasional text message will keep me from falling through the cracks. We'll see.

-With Christmas break in play, my life's just not that exciting. When school's back though I'll be back in the rhythm of a hectic schedule and stressful responsibilities. Yay :/.

Anywho. I'll post some more later.

Adios =]